Fake Dominants and My struggles

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May 14, 2015 by jayce428

The problem with sexualizing BDSM that I’ve found that in today’s society when you tell someone you’re a submissive one of four things happen: (1) they see you as a sexual conquest, (2) they think you’re a slave, (3) they don’t care, or (4) they are a real Dominant. This has happened to me time and time again and it’s disheartening. 

The first thing you don’t want to do is go with someone you don’t know without anyone else being in the same room, and have it be with someone who wants to only have sex with you. It’s really unfair but those precautions should be taken ahead of time. And you can’t just talk to someone for ten minutes and assume you know them well enough.

Also, there’s the person who you’ll say ‘submissive’ and they hear ‘slave’, which in most cases aren’t the same thing. A slave can be a sub but sometimes a sub is not a slave, and those boundaries you’ve established shouldn’t be obstructed.

And finally we come to the fake dominant who will try to enforce rules upon you without ever even talked to them, an example I have from experience is when a potential dom said to me: “I shouldn’t have to tell you to, you should already obey.” I wasn’t collared by him and I hadn’t known him for less them five minutes.

So I implore you, when meeting a potential Dominant for the first time, try to meet in a setting where the both of you aren’t alone, and don’t give them your personal address or work address before you get to know them. Limit the amount of personal information you offer them, until you know them, and a safe amount of time until you them well enough should be at least a month and maybe a year until you should trust them enough to allow them to collar you.

And to keep things safe make sure that you workout a contract, stating your limits and the basis for the relationship. It’s just a legal safeguard to prevent them from doing something you absolutely don’t want to happen.

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