1/27/2015 Journal – Confessions

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January 28, 2015 by jayce428

Forgive me father but I have sinned… Nope, I haven’t, but I have been having mixed feelings about a new interest of mine. As I’ve delved deeper into finding out who exactly I am, and what kind of person I am I discovered something that was rather shocking to me.

I LIKE TO WEAR LOLITA CLOTHING. I realize this doesn’t this doesn’t in any way invalidate the fact that I am a man, I still feel like a boy, and even though I want to wear frilly dresses and skirts that doesn’t invalidate me.

I WANT A DADDY WHO TREATS ME LIKE HIS LITTLE PRINCE. I’ve realized this a while ago, but I still am a puppy inside. I want someone who treats me like their own. Punishes me when I do something wrong, but also gives me loves when I need them. I AM A PUP AND A LITTLE. These are two aspects of myself, there’s the me who is Bear the aggressive pup, and there is just Jayce the little who desires a Daddy’s attention and discipline.

There is a part of me that is still so very afraid of not being enough or perfect. I want to be skinny and have porcelain-like skin, and have a successful career where everyone likes me for me. I realize that it’s all so unrealistic but I’ve cared about such things since I was young, and it’s really very difficult to be able to change.

I also realize that there are people who’d dislike (or like me less) me if they knew that I was into BDSM, so it’s a difficult situation. I have come a long way in realizing that I need to live to satisfy myself, instead of trying to make everyone like me. The only people that I feel that it is necessary to make happy is myself and my father, who has accepted who I am in every aspect.


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