November 18, 2014 by jayce428
The current worry I have for people just getting into BDSM is the misconceptions – and maybe being the most incorrect stereotype being that, if you’re into BDSM then you have to have been abused/molested as a child, and by itself is a dangerous misconception. I won’t get into the more specifics about this particular one because I already have. The part that I was concerned about was the fact Anastasia didn’t have a strong or independent personality – she was a 21 year old virgin who never touched herself, and in majority of cases children will start discovering masturbation at the age of 9-14 (6 years old in rare cases).
The flip side to the current situation is the fact that by having this book and film come out to mainstream that is about BDSM, but also ‘proving’ (not really but that’s what people say) that BDSM is not a safe practice.
The current raging best seller by EL James, Fifty Shades of Grey, depicts a protagonist enamored with a man who has a “sickness” and who uses sexual dominance in an unhealthy way (cable ties are not safe or sane) for unhealthy reasons. While millions of readers may be enamored with this character, he doesn’t accurately portray a lifestyle, nor should he be emulated or copied. Fifty Shades may be bringing knowledge about an already well-established lifestyle to the suburbs, but only true awareness will help people to refrain from judgment; to resist the urge to sensationalize; and to act with safe, sane consent should they decide to give these practices a try.
It depicts a man with a history of trauma who grew up to be an abuser, the protagonist (Anastasia) assumes she can ‘fix’ the antagonist (Christian) which in itself is a dangerous assumption. Putting the idea that one person can ‘fix’ an abuser is dangerous in itself, but giving this idea to the public that maybe they can fix their abusive husbands/boyfriends.
Unfortunately, the general public who has read Fifty Shades has assumed that the author can’t possibly wrong. This is a dangerous notion someone who hasn’t the time to do their research can be dangerously wrong especially if they don’t specialize in the subject. Textbooks and any sort of book written can contain contradicting evidence and manipulate the reader into believing something totally different. It’s not beyond the void of possibilities.
Another piece to remember is that the Fifty Shades of Gray series was written as a sort of ‘fan fiction’ for Twilight.
The bottom-line is that this book depicts an abusive alcoholic who was abused during childhood, who has directed his anger onto a girl who he takes her freedom from forcing her to become his sex toy. This is a classic horror story from all around the world. It’s unrealistic that someone her age hasn’t ever explored her sexuality.
This ‘book’ should have remained on the computer of E.L. James.