50 Shades of Gray – An Insult


November 18, 2014 by jayce428

The current worry I have for people just getting into BDSM is the misconceptions – and maybe being the most incorrect stereotype being that, if you’re into BDSM then you have to have been abused/molested as a child, and by itself is a dangerous misconception. I won’t get into the more specifics about this particular one because I already have. The part that I was concerned about was the fact Anastasia didn’t have a strong or independent personality – she was a 21 year old virgin who never touched herself, and in majority of cases children will start discovering masturbation at the age of 9-14 (6 years old in rare cases).

The flip side to the current situation is the fact that by having this book and film come out to mainstream that is about BDSM, but also ‘proving’ (not really but that’s what people say) that BDSM is not a safe practice.

The current raging best seller by EL James, Fifty Shades of Grey, depicts a protagonist enamored with a man who has a “sickness” and who uses sexual dominance in an unhealthy way (cable ties are not safe or sane) for unhealthy reasons. While millions of readers may be enamored with this character, he doesn’t accurately portray a lifestyle, nor should he be emulated or copied. Fifty Shades may be bringing knowledge about an already well-established lifestyle to the suburbs, but only true awareness will help people to refrain from judgment; to resist the urge to sensationalize; and to act with safe, sane consent should they decide to give these practices a try.


It depicts a man with a history of trauma who grew up to be an abuser, the protagonist (Anastasia) assumes she can ‘fix’ the antagonist (Christian) which in itself is a dangerous assumption. Putting the idea that one person can ‘fix’ an abuser is dangerous in itself, but giving this idea to the public that maybe they can fix their abusive husbands/boyfriends.

Unfortunately, the general public who has read Fifty Shades has assumed that the author can’t possibly wrong. This is a dangerous notion someone who hasn’t the time to do their research can be dangerously wrong especially if they don’t specialize in the subject. Textbooks and any sort of book written can contain contradicting evidence and manipulate the reader into believing something totally different. It’s not beyond the void of possibilities.

Another piece to remember is that the Fifty Shades of Gray series was written as a sort of ‘fan fiction’ for Twilight.

The bottom-line is that this book depicts an abusive alcoholic who was abused during childhood, who has directed his anger onto a girl who he takes her freedom from forcing her to become his sex toy. This is a classic horror story from all around the world. It’s unrealistic that someone her age hasn’t ever explored her sexuality.

This ‘book’ should have remained on the computer of E.L. James.


4 thoughts on “50 Shades of Gray – An Insult

  1. FervidM says:

    I wrote a piece a long time ago after seeing hoards of women running to the stores to take up this book. It depicts the lifestyle completely wrong. I remember feeling slighted and angry about it. This is actually why I write often about the romance behind the lifestyle – because I believe it is in the fiber of everything we do. Respect is paramount, and that is not observed in a person who approaches sexual situations from a place of pain. You are absolutely correct in this post. Unfortunately, this film will have people rushing to portray similar scenes in their own lives, but they probably will find it too deep to explore. It takes a large amount of personal awareness and willingness to dive into the depths of your psyche, and let’s face it, the general populace puts on a silk blindfold and calls it, “kinky”.


    • jayce428 says:

      I haven’t any idea in the slightest how they believe it when it’s told so obviously. My friends mother was abused and raped by a man and he was put in jail, but in this case people just don’t see it. It’s very disappointing to me that it’s so obvious that what he is doing is a crime.


      • FervidM says:

        It is obvious. The problem is that people are willing to accept it because the media plays it up as taboo. People are so deliriously bored that they are willing to accept blatant abuse as means for solid entertainment. It’s so unfortunate.


    • Broken Sadist / Masochist Switch says:

      Respect is paramount, and that is not observed in a person who approaches sexual situations from a place of pain.

      I would agree with respect is paramount in this type of relationship, But BDSM is not sexually based. It is serviced based. That being said even a lot of the people who are supposedly into BDSM today do not have a clue. There is a big difference between kinky sex and BDSM although too many people consider it one and the same.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: